I can bet "Covid" altered all of our lives in both positive and negative ways, leading to new discoveries, as it brought change to everyone, regardless of who you are or what you did. The 2020 Pandemic marked a significant point on the global timeline, massively affecting us all and never going back to the way things were prior.
The year of 2020, my income was only a fraction of what it usually was. I felt like my livelihood, how I made a living, and what I contributed was over. I had lost a sense of my identity and what I considered to be my only monetary value that I had to offer the world. It made sense why I would have felt this way, I have been involved in cosmetics since I was 16 years old and it's proudly a significant part of who I am today. How we earn our money is a major part of our identity because it's essential for our survival. However there are two sides to this same coin: I can understand my intrinsic value beyond just what I "do", but there's also the necessity to engage with the world, financially survive and thrive, and contribute to society.
At the start of the pandemic, I was already leaning heavily on an excellent therapist I had been seeing since 2018, allowing myself to come undone in many ways. Through our sessions I gained significant insights into why I chose to become a makeup artist. It was the beginning of my "existential career crisis". I realized I had developed the talent to help people feel beautiful and confident in their own skin, because believe it or not, I wasn't always a confident woman myself. As a child I was a "bullied-nerd" in elementary school and an ex-mormon, neglected teenager who rarely received love at home. It wasn't until I changed my physical appearance that I began to make a plethora of friends and had "all the love" in the world. I adopted the belief that physical beauty is what made me valuable, and even though I now know that is not true (and yes thinking this way did help me become a very good makeup artist at a young age)... it was still difficult to accept. My talent had stemmed from painful experiences. However when I examined why many of us pursue our career paths, it often emerges from pain. Why does a doctor become a doctor, a therapist become a therapist, or a firefighter become a firefighter? The workaholic distracting themselves, building a false confidence in order to avoid what is really going on internally? I would wager more often than not, it's due to painful experiences that we have become who we are professionally. Which isn't all bad, in knowing 'why' we do something we can then see this as an empowering form of taking pain and turning it into an incredible transformation or alchemy.
So now by the time March 2020's Pandemic hit it was the second phase of my "existential career crisis". At that point I had a solid understanding of how I had become the person I was professionally and beyond the painful beginnings as a young girl I discovered other key reasons. It was primarily about the human connection, caring for someone beautifully, plus the link to art and fashion, and finally, collaborating with a team to bring a vision to life.
What was particularly interesting about my career timeline is that I had left a TV show called "Random Acts" in November 2019, planning to move from Salt Lake City to New York to shift my career towards something more fashion-forward; with new contacts, brands, and opportunities. I was in the hustle and bustle of New York Fashion Week February 2020 making connections and unaware that the world was on a brink of an avalanche, everything we once knew was about to implode.
During this part of my "existential career crisis" (and the world crisis) I attended a retreat in July 2020 called "Your Sovereign Wedding". A retreat where you reclaimed or discovered parts of Self and learned to love them and "marry yourself". I had met a woman who introduced me to my cherished writing teacher, Noel Ruth. She resided on Swan’s Island off the coast of Maine, and her online (yet intimate) writing classes changed the trajectory of my life forever. I discovered that my ability to put experiences in words flowed through and out of me like a summer waterfall, and as I began sharing my anecdotes, manuscripts and poetry in writing circles and on stage, I saw, heard, and felt the positive shift it brought to others. It was clear that I had uncovered a newfound gift that was ready to be more public. I like to think of the term "gift" as a synonym for "passion", "hobby", "the-path", or "homecoming".
Embracing a love for writing came naturally to me. I had always aspired to be a writer and had been writing since childhood. Keeping a journal was a regular habit for me; in fact, when I was 8 years old, I even kept a journal for my childhood cat. Although it only lasted for a brief, silly couple of weeks, it's amusing to have rediscovered it among the few childhood items I still have. Writing became another form of human connection, a different kind than being a makeup artist. I felt a strong urge to keep writing and sharing because I consistently received feedback that I was able to put into words what many experienced but couldn't articulate. I brought depth, humor, and enlightenment to real life or a window to the reality of the industry. Since 2019 I've been invited to be a guest on a few podcasts, this was a similar way to have that human connection writing brought. It is something I want to keep pursuing.
The break in my makeup career due to the Pandemic has ultimately made me a better makeup artist today. The saying "you don’t know what you have until it’s gone" truly resonated with me. Now, when I work on-set or with a private client, there’s a newfound honor and genuine rediscovery of one of my oldest passions. I vividly recall returning to work on my first shoot back, the crew and I were fully masked and undergoing covid testing, embracing every precaution and yet so happy to be together. After a lengthy period of introspection, I felt like I had returned stronger and more authentically myself. I gained a deeper understanding of who I was, why I pursued my career, and also discovered a new path as I owned a new title as a writer.
I believe it's fair to say that none of us truly understood the value of something until it is lost. When the world "reopened," I'm certain we all stopped taking the small things for granted. I question whether, before Covid, the world had become too complacent? And now looking back, we all have a broader perspective on what truly matters. This includes the dreams we genuinely wish to pursue and the simple gratitudes of this life that often get forgotten in the daily grind.
As I wrote this blog and shared my Pandemic experience I wondered why it seemed so important to talk about. Maybe there is a moment YOU can reflect on in your life during the Pandemic, considering what you took for granted that later became invaluable. I can bet there's a strong possibility you've slipped into the daily grind again and forgotten how fortunate we all are, even to just be alive. Take a moment, take that in. During that trying time for all of us four years ago, I think finding the silver-linings in what we learned then and remembering them again can be incredibly powerful.
I've had the privilege (and good luck) of being a successful freelance Makeup Artist since the age of 22. My career began unexpectedly when a close friend and mentor recommended me to her full list of contacts after she secured a major role on Rhianna's 9-month tour. At that moment, someone else recognized my potential before I knew what was possible. I continue to embrace this mindset as a makeup artist today, mentoring various artists and finding gratitude in what life has unfolded for me. When I see the determination and resilience in someone else I always cheer them on to persevere and keep going. I am living proof that even when the journey as an artist becomes tough and you feel as if you have zero control, you will always find your way and just maybe in the process, a new passion will come knocking at your door.
We all have to start somewhere in this life... and it all goes by so quick.
Start today.
All my love,
Cami
Inspiring!